Christmas Story

[Kwaussie]

Copied from FChat ......


'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Maserati, its battery dead.

Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles

The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.

So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.

The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was water pump chatter.

From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!

I’ve had it with Maseratis� I finally swore
Enough is too much! I can’t take any more!�

When what to my red, teary eyes should appear
But a little Italian (hell, I need a beer!)
Buon giorno,� he said, poking me in the belly.
You needa my help? I’m Giulio Alfieri.

This one can be saved; there is no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you gotta believe!

A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on these cars, just make up-a da rules!
We’ll get her cranked over no way that she will stall
(But stand over there with you back to the wall.)

A cough and a sputter, the cacophony stunning--
I couldn’t believe it! The damn thing was running!

The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
Whatever you do, DONNA TOUCHA THIS WIRE!�

The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.

So I opened the shed door and let the top down
Put pedal to metal and went out on the town.

And I thought to myself as I missed second gear
Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!

[fullnoise68]

Santa was beside himself,
Nothing but problems with his sleigh,
He had been duped into getting a Ford,
Instead of a reliable Chevrolet,

What shall I do,
I need to start my toy run,
The bloody things leaking oil,
And there`s no spark on number 1,

So he gets on the blower,
And calls Aunt Colette,
Aunty I need a favour,
I need to borrow your big block Corvette,

The boys and girls are waiting,
I really need to get going,
I know your Chev will get me through,
Whereas my old Ford will need towing,

So off he went,
Hauling through the gears,
Man I haven`t experienced this sort of power,
For many, many, years,

Santa you old c###,
Where`s me f##### bike,
You better mind your manners son,
Or you`ll get something you won`t like,

Well he got through his work,
Another year done and dusted,
His old Ford still beside the shed,
In a pool of oil and completely rusted.

Merry Christmas.

[markson]

Great Kwassie. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Markson

[markson]

Great Kwassie & Fullnoise Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Markson

[Russ Cunningham]

Wonderful! Proof that old Masers never die.

[Rod Grimwood]

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2013, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great, (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only one of that name in this or any other hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.



By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.



This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.



It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the

wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual

application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the

sole discretion of the wisher.



Have a Great Xmas and a Happy New Year



Rod G

[Howard Wood]

Shalom

[AMCO72]

As Manuel from Barcelona would say.......Que!

Yeh.....the same to you Rod. [and you wont have to get your dictionary out to decifer that]

[John McKechnie]

Rod-you forgot to put:

the views of the sender are subject to changes without prior and subsequent notification.

[Rod Grimwood]

John,and all of you just take it easy over the next couple of days, those driving suits tend to shrink around this time of year.